If you are reading this, then you might be thinking what is happening around you. Or maybe you already have a set of scars, or a broken limp, or you are dying in the place where you are reading this. The Capital Wasteland is a terrible place to be if you are a Vault Dweller, so I hope you are not one. If you are, then I hope your death comes in the form of something quick, like getting beheaded by a Death Claw, or being shot by the Enclave with a Laser Rifle. I hear when you get hit, you disintegrate and your body becomes ash. It’s a fitting way to go.
If you aren’t, and you are just getting on your own, then I offer some tips for you. There is this crazy chick located in Megaton called Moira Brown. Friendly, spirited, and back shit insane. But she has a knack for science and technology so she co wrote, The Wasteland Survival Guide. Funny, I spent the time putting down the Vault Dwellers, and the other co-writer is the son of the man who built the Purifier, the swanky kid from Vault 101. I guess Vault boys are not so bad…not much compared to the rest of the shit out here. The book is very good to learn how to live in the Wastes, so read it, you fuck!
Another tip is to avoid the Capital if you are not in Brotherhood armor, or at least with a massive arsenal. The Super Mutants are the bane of the fucking existence for anyone in the Wasteland. These green assholes kill you, and make you have a miserable last few moments of life. And then they kill you. If they eat you afterwards, don’t take it personal; those idiots are Hell incarnate. Also, don’t think bug spray is going to help you when, every insect out here is the size of a Buick. Avoid the Rad Scorpions!!! What is a Rad Scorpion? It’s a scorpion the size of a goddamn elephant; that is what a FUCKING RAD SCORPION IS!
Don’t drink the water. EVER. Well…maybe not yet. The Purifier is still an ongoing project so the Wastes might still have tons of radiation in it, but if your tickety tick tick Geiger Counter goes off, avoid consuming it.
Never drink Nuka Cola Quantum. That shit tastes like the ass of a Super Mutant and turns your pee into irradiated piss. Might not be good for you, in the long run; or your penis/vagina/whatever.
Get friendly with people from Rivet City, Megaton, The Brotherhood of Steel (although they don’t give much of a shit about people, but they can help when it is very bad) and also, make friends with the Ghouls. They have a town in the Capital and although you are not welcomed, it’s only because they are afraid that you are going to kill them. Feral Ghouls are the same, only they are basically zombies…and want to eat you. Kill those. They are not your friends. I meet this Ghoul named Urk and he is one of the friendliest sons of bitches you will ever meet.
Get yourself a Pip Boy or a radio and listen to Galaxy News Radio, which it’s host….THREE DOG! AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. That was me howling like a wolf like he does. He brings you to truth, no matters how bad it hurts. And you can stay tuned for updates on things on the Capital Wasteland, this armpit of a nation of death, destruction, and Raider infested….fuck, I need to tell you about the Raiders. KILL THOSE FUCKS! No questions.
And lastly, I hope you can find it in your heart to leave your own letter here, attached to this one, and leave it somewhere where, not many people are around. They might not know about the terrors out there. But I believe in you. Follow all my directions, and ask questions to all. Do not hesitate. I don’t know how things are on the Commonwealth in Boston, but in DC, this is the goddamn wild West.
I hope that you are not a Vault boy or girl. You don’t want to see a world like this. No one does. But hope is on the horizon. So be careful. And pack a gun.
Frederick Thomas Newton the 3rd
PS- Fuck the Wasteland! And the Enclave! Kill the Enclave soldiers while you are at it, please.
I hope you enjoyed this little experiment from the Writing 101 course I’m taking. Leave your comments and tell me what you guys think. If you are playing Fallout 4, tell me what you guys think of it. And leave opinions on topics in the Contact Me. Take care folks!