Doom: The Party Demons Die For To Make You Happy

“To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.”
J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone


I would like to thank Harry Potter’s real mom for dropping by and delivering that quote about Doom. Disclaimer, I…don’t really know her, but she would think this blog is pretty neat, and love you all. Also, I wanted to share my review of the game, DOOM! DOOM is my childhood, fed into id Engine 5, and turned into a trip to Heaven. I wanted to share it here as well, because…I love you. 😉

Without further ago, here is my Steam review of the amazing…AMAZING….DOOM!

Hello Team Valor! Sup! I have written a review of the game DOOM on my Steam page, but I will share it. It is as refined as red wine, only if it’s done in Hell like this game, wine is demon urine, and the cheese is fermented angel lungs.



You are late! What happened, Johnson?

DOOM might be the greatest game, that was brought kicking and screaming from the 90’s. With games like Quake IV, and Duke Nukem Forever, I was more worried about Doom because of the attention the bad multiplayer beta was. And I played it and I defintiely didn’t see the appeal. And then something happened; I started hearing about the single player, being this amazing adventure, with good story telling elements, and the best FPS spirit filled game many have seen. Everything in this game, feels like something you loved when you played it many years ago, but with an amazing graphics engine running this hulking demon beast of a game.


This is a Big Freaking Gate protecting thing…

The Glory Kills never get tiring. The secrets never get tiring. Dying gets tiring and Fuck Id Software for Ultra Nightmare, but other than that, the game tells a rather nice story of a soldier that is being feared, by scary demon beasts…and they need to destroy him! But you are the Marine in the kickass Praetor suit! The skill advancement is really well done, as you get challenges for each level, masteries for weapons were you get in them challenges, Praetor tokens that you need to hire Sherlock Holmes to find in order to power your suit, and sweet nectar Argent to make you just more awesome. I love also how every single enemy I’ve known from the games look so amazing! So fearful and horrible to look at, as well as feel intimidated by. These assholes are also tough, and they don’t group hug you with love and care, they fuck rape you with Hell fire.


How you feel listening to the DOOM Soundtrack

And speaking of Hell Fire fucking…the M-U-S-I-C.

I will buy a record player, and a set of speakers, and wear hipster glasses…if someone releases Mick Gordon’s AMAZING soundtrack on that format. Please! Do yourself a favor and buy this game, and enjoy that sweet awesome hard rock/heavy metal/industrial/DJENT/electronic mishmash of music that was some from the old times, but given just an amazing (this word cannot be stressed enough) music.

Flaws include a weird glitch that cuts sound completely until the game begins, a few crashes during fights, a bit of a loading time thing, checkpoints in some areas that make no sense, and Ultra Nightmare can suck a dead goat’s ballsack. But….

Nothing else I think. I played Multiplayer and it definitely feels better, and it’s a fun diversion, and I have not played much SnapMap, but HOLY SHIT, this one level was just a corridor, that would close doors bit by bit in a blue misty haze…creepy! I will dive more into that, and maybe make my own maps too.

I got this on the Summer Sale in a impulse buy because I wanted to wait. Don’t be like me and don’t be cheap! Get this game! NOW. And remember, God cannot save you, if demons are humping your dead corpse to the soothing sounds of Mick Gordon.



Welcome To Florida!

I was going to link the Steam review, but for some reason, Valve censored all the swearing out of my review with hearts. Yeah…

Take a look if you want…

But anyway I hope you found this review fun, exciting and sexy, so if you played Doom, let me know what you guys think. Also, tell me which game has made you feel like this as well. Also, thank you id and Bethesda for keeping one thing from my bad childhood, great!



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