Hey guys! I figured that you guys might like this. And since this is a positive place, I would love to share some positive stuff. In video form! Hope you like it! And let me know down below what you guys think. And also, offer some advice as well to your fellow peeps!
I don’t know why I felt like posting here really. I guess it’s because I have considered this page to be an extension of me, with my thoughts to be more available to those who, want to understand me in a better light. As with a heavy heart, I am here to talk about loss, of a friend, which I knew from not that long ago, from work, and became one of the most awesome human beings I’ve known.
I met my friend Al at my old job, and from there, I started to realize that this guy was an awesome man. The dude was so freaking funny, but at the same time, a gentle soul and a good man overall. He was also a dad, a husband, and I cannot imagine what suffering must his immediate family must be going through at this moment.
I think the reason I wanted to share a few words here is, because Beezy was a man, with a finite time on this Earth. As I am, and as you are, and as the people running this platform and as the people that designed crafted words into paper, screen, or e-book reader. We are not destined to end; we are all going to end. It is a certainty that, if you think about for too much, you will spiral into madness. But think of it like me; think that every day is an opportunity to be a better you. Don’t allow fear, doubt, beliefs or insecurities ruin a good chance to do something, you might not do ever.
Don’t let people say what you do is silly and you shouldn’t do it, or pass up on doing that thing you wanted to do or be. Give it a go, and enjoy life to the 150%. I know Al did that, and he provided well to his children and was an awesome husband.
Al. Beezy. You will be missed. Rest in peace.
“To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.”
― J.K. Rowling,
I would like to thank Harry Potter’s real mom for dropping by and delivering that quote about Doom. Disclaimer, I…don’t really know her, but she would think this blog is pretty neat, and love you all. Also, I wanted to share my review of the game, DOOM! DOOM is my childhood, fed into id Engine 5, and turned into a trip to Heaven. I wanted to share it here as well, because…I love you. 😉
Without further ago, here is my Steam review of the amazing…AMAZING….DOOM!
Hello Team Valor! Sup! I have written a review of the game DOOM on my Steam page, but I will share it. It is as refined as red wine, only if it’s done in Hell like this game, wine is demon urine, and the cheese is fermented angel lungs.
DOOM might be the greatest game, that was brought kicking and screaming from the 90’s. With games like Quake IV, and Duke Nukem Forever, I was more worried about Doom because of the attention the bad multiplayer beta was. And I played it and I defintiely didn’t see the appeal. And then something happened; I started hearing about the single player, being this amazing adventure, with good story telling elements, and the best FPS spirit filled game many have seen. Everything in this game, feels like something you loved when you played it many years ago, but with an amazing graphics engine running this hulking demon beast of a game.
The Glory Kills never get tiring. The secrets never get tiring. Dying gets tiring and Fuck Id Software for Ultra Nightmare, but other than that, the game tells a rather nice story of a soldier that is being feared, by scary demon beasts…and they need to destroy him! But you are the Marine in the kickass Praetor suit! The skill advancement is really well done, as you get challenges for each level, masteries for weapons were you get in them challenges, Praetor tokens that you need to hire Sherlock Holmes to find in order to power your suit, and sweet nectar Argent to make you just more awesome. I love also how every single enemy I’ve known from the games look so amazing! So fearful and horrible to look at, as well as feel intimidated by. These assholes are also tough, and they don’t group hug you with love and care, they fuck rape you with Hell fire.
And speaking of Hell Fire fucking…the M-U-S-I-C.
I will buy a record player, and a set of speakers, and wear hipster glasses…if someone releases Mick Gordon’s AMAZING soundtrack on that format. Please! Do yourself a favor and buy this game, and enjoy that sweet awesome hard rock/heavy metal/industrial/DJENT/electronic mishmash of music that was some from the old times, but given just an amazing (this word cannot be stressed enough) music.
Flaws include a weird glitch that cuts sound completely until the game begins, a few crashes during fights, a bit of a loading time thing, checkpoints in some areas that make no sense, and Ultra Nightmare can suck a dead goat’s ballsack. But….
Nothing else I think. I played Multiplayer and it definitely feels better, and it’s a fun diversion, and I have not played much SnapMap, but HOLY SHIT, this one level was just a corridor, that would close doors bit by bit in a blue misty haze…creepy! I will dive more into that, and maybe make my own maps too.
I got this on the Summer Sale in a impulse buy because I wanted to wait. Don’t be like me and don’t be cheap! Get this game! NOW. And remember, God cannot save you, if demons are humping your dead corpse to the soothing sounds of Mick Gordon.
I was going to link the Steam review, but for some reason, Valve censored all the swearing out of my review with hearts. Yeah…
Take a look if you want…http://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561197972682195/recommended/379720
But anyway I hope you found this review fun, exciting and sexy, so if you played Doom, let me know what you guys think. Also, tell me which game has made you feel like this as well. Also, thank you id and Bethesda for keeping one thing from my bad childhood, great!
I haven’t done a challenge for awhile, and the one I saw today seem like it would be nice as a, trying to get the cobwebs out of my fingers. Well no, scratch that: more like get the cobwebs out of my brain because lately my fingers in my job cannot stop typing at all with, all the calls I get, the documentation, the chats, and well, everything else I type. For now, here, I’m fine and my fingers are not angry at me.
But anyways, here is the skinny on the advise thing: I was given tons of advice when I was a young boy, about treating people right, about speaking correctly, about being a good person and not being a shithead that embarrasses people the way that, sadly, people around me did to me. And well, I am happy that I turned out to be a rather weird, but honestly, good person. I think sadly, I might have come out to be too good; maybe because of my lack of friends or, my lack of doing too many things different growing up, and add to that, an ideology that makes you brain dead and scared to be alive because, well, you can end up getting put in a spit and burning alive forever…definitely didn’t help. Thank you college, divorce and YouTube.
But that isn’t the advice I’m interested in giving, but instead, I’m here to give you guys a bit of practical advice that, I am now suddenly decided this year to follow because I am an idiot and I didn’t know much better many years ago. And here it is…
Do not wait until you are an adult to decide what you want to do when you grow up.
I have been alive for 3 decades now, and I can say that I’ve been lucky that non of my problems growing up were too traumatic or terrible in comparison to many others. But here is something I realized when I started doing research this week on CompTIA certifications I want to get, and wanting to advance at my job and not stay doing the same thing another 10 years like last time. And it’s that I am pretty under prepared in my life to be a fully functional and HAPPY adult. Because I have the functional part down, with me working every day, never being late, paying all my bills and losing weight to feel physically better and not have stomach problems and agitate these gallstones I need removed. But as a HAPPY functional adult? Am I Happy? And why is that?
Well maybe it’s because I haven’t saved much of anything to move out of the overpriced apartment, or the fact that I don’t have health insurance because if I did get it, I would be making pittens and not being able to live, or the fact that I also don’t have a career. I have a job, not a career; a career is what you are passionate about and you do it because that is what you prepared yourself for. I was in my last year in high school, and I didn’t know what I wanted to do or where to go to college. I took the closest one to my house, and did something with computers because…I liked computers. That’s it. Nothing else came about that, and now as a functional adult, I am doing something to keep myself alive, and that is about it. I am, however, very happy with my job right now, and I will stay there over not having a job for sure; but I spent 9 1\2 years doing what I am doing now, and nothing else happened. I could have gone to college when my job could have helped me pay it and could have gotten my certifications, instead of now, where I have to take them out of my own pocket. After I got divorced, I figured I could start over and I would be able to find my calling and I thought I did with drawing, and I haven’t done much of that either. I don’t know whether it’s because my brain is always tired coming home or it’s because I’m trying to figure out what to do takes all my time nowadays.
Well, my advice is don’t become me. Don’t become an insecure, lonely, ackward, semi-broke, unhealthy, 30 year old in an apartment, with no one to talk to. Instead, research what you want to do, what you want to be, talk with people and work hard at it. And have people around you give you encouragement and have them be your rocks. I didn’t have rocks. I had caring parents, but I think they didn’t think much of me growing up, whereas my brother had a direction and I didn’t. Why waste your time on no potential where you can focus on making someone that matters into a somebody, right? Don’t let your good years go to waste to get started with life NOW. Don’t become me. Please, I am begging you! If you want to do something, go do it, and if it doesn’t work, find something else and become that. You want to be a doctor, be a doctor! You want to design games, design games! Easier said than done, but at least do it! And never stay quiet and ask for help. Always.
Don’t be me. Please. I care about you guys too much.
I woke up this morning to find out that my state, is now the home of the most deadliest mass shooting in American History. 50 people dead. In a nightclub in Orlando; a gay nightclub. Said it was fulled by two gays kissing, and then suddenly all Hell broke loose. And here we are again; another year with more deaths and now another mass shooting, worse than the ones before. In a place where it was suppose to be a place for solidarity, for people who are still being treated as sub human, so have fun. To be happy and to also enjoy life; but obviously some people can’t have that in their lives, so they decide to do the opposite, and cause a massacre, that achieves nothing. All it did was take peoples’ lives and bring a state of terror into the hearts of people that didn’t deserve it. Whether this was a terrorist attack or just some fuckwad that hated gays and wanted to wipe out as many as he could, it doesn’t matter.
Some time ago I spoke about the Paris attacks, and I felt sick because of them. And now, a city where I live only an hour away from, was taken over by press, and the whole world is now watching as we continue to get nothing but bad news. And I’m sick to think that some religious fuckshit will say that, this is God’s work and that this is the proof that homosexuality is not welcomed and that they need to find their way. And if that were to happen, I hope he or she is ran out of where they live and in fear for their lives, so they can see what it feels to be hated and targeted.
I feel even more sick this happened, as I know that what will come from this is more talking about guns, and restrictions, when in reality, this issue is more than that. And I hate that this will happen again, and again and again; nothing will stop this from happening unless there is an actual change to the norm, a shift in life that causes things like this to never happen again. Of course, this is delusions from an optimist that hopes this never happens again, but it happens every year, all year around.
I will be going to Orlando 2 times in the next few weeks, and nothing like this event will stop me. No act of cowardice or hatred or intolerance will keep me from making these 2 trips as, I’m not fucking scared. I can’t stop living because something like this happened, and to tell you the truth, no one else should stop living either. Life needs to keep going on, but I do always hope that things always get better. Silly? Well it’s just the optimist in me that wants a better world.
Until then, be safe guys!
Hey guys! It’s been a bit but I was going through some unscheduled traveling, and some changes in my editing with my YouTube channel where, I’m learning a brand new application and so far, it’s not been a bad experience. I’m using LightWorks, a free editing suite where, it was used to edit The Wolf of Wall Street…so it’s epic. There is a Paid Version but what it has is enough for me to do YouTube videos and I figured that, I try it on a very ambitious project. Me, trying to explain why it is so dumb, for tech and game “journalists”, to complain about doing a game in the time of World War 1. I would explain all of this here but I think that would take away from the video, so I present to you, my first video with LightWorks. Next one will be better!
I know I haven’t delivered the new design and I haven’t decided on what I wanted to call it yet, but I assure that it will be coming soon. As for the music post and the video, I’ll try to get to those tomorrow and try to have them ready for next week.
But now, I just wanted to have a chat because, this has been a very off week for me. At work, at home, and pretty much all the time since Wednesday, I’ve been feeling a combination of emotions and I can’t quite put my finger on it. It’s a combination of tiredness, stress, sadness and also loneliness. And all of it seems to be tied to one fact…my best friends in the world are not longer near me.
Backstory, a few years ago, I moved to the US and started working for this big company that needed an internal helpdesk, so I was there for a total of 9.5 years. But during that first year, I met a bunch of really great people and these people then became really great friends and then things were great. Two in particular were Ann and Noah; a married couple that became friends with my then wife, and then became great friends with me. And since then, it was like we were inseparable. And things got bad when I got divorced and things were weird in my life, but those two stood by me on every moment. They helped me in ways that, no human being has ever did. My family has helped in great ways as well, but I feel they helped in different ways to how these two did. They helped me in finding out things about myself, and discovering things I really liked, and then, discovering things about myself that I didn’t think I had confidence to say and that was just the tip of the iceberg. All the shows, movies, trips and get-togethers we had, as well as the hardships with losing family and also feeling ill. We had each others’ back and I’m in debt to them for everything they did.
But sadly, this past Tuesday, Ann drove to Virginia to live, and also Noah was there a few weeks ago for his new job. And even if we are talking every week, multiple times, it’s not the same already, because when I come home, I can’t just drive to their house anymore and see them. I can’t drop by to see the game, or watch movies, or discuss Game of Thrones and argue about The Walking Dead in person anymore. Technology can make this a better thing with things like Skype and Facebook, but it’s definitely not the same. Knowing this weekend, I won’t be able to see them, is heartbreaking. It’s tough, because I want them to be happy and this is a great opportunity for the two. And I wish nothing but all the happiness, wealth and joy they can get over there. But now, I truly feel alone; I don’t have a wife, or a girlfriend; I have my family really far away, my Dad on his own thing, my brother raising a little man of his own, and me. Me, alone; as it seems like it’s been forever. I go to work, and I really enjoy my job, and the people and the work that I do, but then I go home, to an empty apartment with no one to talk to, and go out to places, where I’m just looking at people and no one to hang out with. I honestly even got choked up when Noah moved there and I spoke to him before he left; and I’m not an emotional person. And it seems, that I have thought so much about their happiness and joy, that now, I realize them leaving, leaves me realizing that I don’t feel much joy these days. I’m getting back into drawing because I hope to get really good, and playing games to make me happy and cook on my own, and then figure out my plans because I won’t have anyone to help me.
I know this is a part of life and it tends to be a tough break when people you love move away and then you are left on your own, with no life to speak of except from a few things here and there. And this is just me venting about how I feel and this is just me.
Let me know what you guys think. Thoughts? Words? Anything you guys want…let me know.
Take care peeps.
In keeping in spirit with the lessons from Blogging 101 and and the sweet awesome peeps I have sadly abandoned over the last few weeks, I am thinking of making some changes with the blog. I see myself posting more about everything else but gaming. I love gaming but it sort of feels like I’m talking more about life than gaming.
I’m open for suggestions like, maybe a name change or theme change or font or color or additions. My YouTube video posting has halted for now and trying to get back to it as well. And I want to get back to drawing and I have been doing it every day again. So safe to say I have a lot to do so, anything you guys want to suggest will help.
Take care guys! A music blog is coming as well soon since I’ve been listening to tons of video game and new music as well. So stay tuned as well as an impression blog about OverWatch and some video impressions as well including my predictions of its success and how it could fail.
Work hard for what you want because it won’t come to you without a fight. You have to be strong and courageous and know that you can do anything you put your mind to. If somebody puts you down or criticizes you, just keep on believing in yourself and turn it into something positive.
Hello everyone, In case you have forgotten, I’m Fico and it’s been way too long since I’ve posted anything on this blog. Life has gotten in the way, and the life that keeps coming in front leaves me, sadly, with less time to do much of anything else. But today I read a wonderful post from PetiteWise about her experiences with trying to find her inner Filipino and, coming to some sad conclusions but I told her to buck up, because it is OK. Her post will be here. The abridged version is that she was trying to discover her culture from listening to it’s music, and eating it’s food and that is a good start. Music and food ties culture really well, and says a lot about the said culture, in my opinion. Plus she dived into her country’s history and she is, sadly, not feeling well. Because she found herself not feeling much like part of her culture since, she doesn’t know what it is like since she is not physically there.
I’ll let you read her post, but in my perspective, I am too from another country and I’ve been away from said country for almost 10 years. Living in the land of the Free is awesome, and in Puerto Rico, it is part of living in said country because it is an American commonwealth with every Puertorican by default, is an American citizen. And with Puerto Rico being a well known tourist attraction, place for fried plantains made the best, and music around Christmas that is actually fun to listen to, it would seem unreal that many of my people are leaving every year, wouldn’t it? But it’s true, and with this news of Puerto Rico defaulting on a $300+ million payment of what is a debt of billions; Puerto Rico is not becoming Greece, it’s already Greece, it just doesn’t know it yet. So in inspiration with PW’s adventure with her heritage, I was inspired to write how a person being from there, can still feel disconnected in, pretty much every way. And this is not to oppose anything, but as a perspective from a person that, sadly, is kind of happy I’m feeling less Puertorican and more Floridian. Pains me to say, but here I go.
With family being the easiest one to talk about my disconnect with my culture, I’ll start with that. My family is almost entirely still in Puerto Rico; my mom, my uncles and aunts, my cousin and my grandmother. My Dad, my brother and one of my cousins is here in the US, with my cousin being the most recent since she wants to go back to school and go to a good college instead of being stuck there, with no job and no one there to teach her anything worth learning.
My Dad moved here many years ago after divorcing my Mom, and since then, he has been much happier here, and his new wife, a wonderful human being, moved to live with him and regrets nothing. My brother is an interesting tale since, he did move to the US first, then helped me move here, and then moved back to start his own architecture firm with his wife and after their son was born, moved back to the US. Because they wanted to screw him, and wouldn’t leave him alone and would ask favors for his work and would never be able to become a full certified architect. As for me, I move here shortly after I was married and then I was divorced 5 years later. So I’ve been alone for 5 years more or less, and I still do not regret moving here.
My family have a special connection to Puerto Rico. They feel it in the air, in the breezes of the nearby beaches, in the walks around the town with live music and in the sounds of frogs at night, indigenous to Puerto Rico. And they have their own point of view, and I’ve never been one of those people, that have this, symbiotic connection to Puerto Rico and the people around them. When I sit with my family, I’m always quiet, because no one is talking to me, or no one wants to talk about things I talk about normally. And what they talk about is politics, other people I don’t care about and gossip. And none of that is interesting enough for me. This is only part of the disconnect as you will see.
Puerto Rico is inhabited by mostly Catholics, around over 85% I think from the last time I checked that number. Around 90% of people are happy with their spiritual lifestyle and you will always hear a “Dios Te Bendiga” or “Que Dios te haga un Santo varón”. God Bless You, and Hope Gods makes you into a Holy man; rough translation. But yes, I get this every call, every conversation and everywhere I go when I visit them. And they don’t know I am a nonbeliever, because my grandmother will lose her mind and cry her eyes every night. Worse than losing someone dear, she would hate to lose someone dear, and then ponder on the HellFire she thinks this person is getting. I’ve expressed I don’t by this anymore, and this might be the biggest disconnect. I’m a nonbeliever, a skeptic and most people there are not. I was trapped in a private school that was Catholic for 13 years, forced Mass and confession and trips to guilt trip me and none of it did anything for me. And everyone in my family still believe, and I can’t find the way to tell them. I know they will love me until the end of time, but even I don’t know what could happen. My mom doesn’t go to Church and church don’t want her since she was divorced, and she still believes. My uncle had his wife die of sickness and his adopted son shot in the head, and he still believes. My grandmother had her husband lose his memory, and then die of pneumonia and when she used to walk and drive, would go to funerals of many people that have died of horrible reasons and she still believes they are OK because they are in Heaven.
I’m different. I will tell my Mom after my grandmother passes on. I would hate to be the cause of her passing. Bottom line, this is a big part of Puertorican culture and I don’t believe in it, so this is a dagger in my relation to that island. And I’m kind of not sad about it, since I feel they are missing a ton of information that could help them live better and happier; but I won’t take away that. If they want someday to listen, I will talk.
Culture And Language
With culture and language is a little less since I can talk fluent bad Spanish like everyone there. And as for culture, I have digested the culture and I admire that people down there want to preserve their way of life, their music, their food, their way of doing things. Unfortunately, their way of life is never been something that has changed for the better. Financially, they owe billions, and they cannot declare bankruptcy. Culture will not save the island now with this debt. But it seems like they don’t even care, because their layback attitude and lack of any sort of caring beyond them is why this is a problem. They don’t care because they think everything is going to be alright, and there isn’t an increasing number of jobless people and political corruption and endless borrowing that lead to this mess. Culture-wise, they are the equivalent of sitting in a lawn chair, looking at a nuclear mushroom cloud and not moving because they don’t think much is going to happen. Their perspective is closed minded, on everything, and that goes back to them thinking there is nothing outside of Puerto Rico and that is a really closed set of thinking for adults. I took myself out of the equation and I’m a different person now, and I’m 100% happier. I wish people would follow my lead. They won’t, but I invite them.
I don’t hate Puerto Rico, or my family, or my friends and it’s people. I am angry with what is happening and sad at the same time. However, with the lack of respect I got growing up, the bullying, the fighting, the favoritism, and all the ignorance, I was just fed up then. And with things here going better than in Puerto Rico, people leave to have a better life, and that better life, is definitely not in PR and it will get worse. I hope my Mom decides soon to move here, because things will be terrible there. I want to say to PetiteWise that, even though you cannot connect yet with your culture, I want you to know that there are people that are just fine without it. I sound mean and uncaring and that is not my intention. This was just a piece of my brain, telling the world that, a person doesn’t need to associate with their people to be happy. It is a great thing you are doing and I have parts of me that is proud to be a Puertorican with great culture and great sights. I still cheer when one of our athletes achieves something great, and it’s something I can’t help. But there are too many things I don’t connect with them and I’ve learned to accept that and to make peace with it. I wish you the best in your en-devours and you can always reach out to me if you need to talk :).
Leave comments below about this and also feel free to tell me what you think. I’m I wrong? Do you feel similar? Let me know, here is some more information about Puerto Rico’s situation.
Hey guys. Sorry about the absence in posts, and also the lack of communication of any kind at all. It seems like, the majority of my time was invested in getting a job, going to meetings for job searching seminars, unemployment, and just trying to stay on top of things, that would keep me on the lookout, and not at all lacking in momentum.
Well I am happy to announce that, after just a month, I start my new job tomorrow. Now, I will be doing the same thing I was doing before, and yes, this is a bit of a contradiction of, seeking the opportunity in changing your field and doing something else. I do plan on doing this as well, since, I plan on growing more as a tech, and as a professional in this job. My biggest mistake was that, I became complacent; too comfortable, and too at ease with the job I was doing. I didn’t look into the future, and I should have. This is a mistake I will fix, as I plan to bust my ass working, learning the ins and outs of the company, and looking to seek ways to grow inside the company. I don’t want to stay in the same place I was 9 years ago; I want to make more money yes, like all human beings with thoughts and dreams do. But it’s not about the money as well, it’s the piece of mind, it’s the challenges, it’s the things I will learn and the people I will meet. I want to learn how to network, and make connections, and be a better person. I want to get back on ADHD medication to help me focus and not wander off into God knows where, and improve on drawing that I have neglected for so long, and play games calmly, and talk more about things here, on this blog.
Many of us want chances to grow; and I know mine is coming. I have a good feeling about this and I want to fill you all in on the excitement. Been a bit, but I’m back. I hope to stick around as well. 😉
Take care guys.